The list is not exhaustive. I can't possibly mention it all.

1. Pay her surprise visits. If you always announce your visit, she may get everywhere clean and in order before you get there just to impress you. But you're not interested in being impressed. You don't want make-belief. So surprise her.

2. Visit at odd times occasionally. When I was courting my wife, I visited her very early one Saturday morning. You know most people sleep late on weekends. I was there at her door by 6.30am. When you visit at this time, you see the real person . . . no makeups, no artificials. Just the real person.

3. Sniff around her neighborhood. Ask people casual questions that eventually drift toward talking about the house she lives. Then slowly to her. What do her neighbors think of her? Is she a good and helpful neighbor?

4. If she is religious, speak to her pastor, church members, or anyone who shares same faith with her.

A light cannot be hidden under a bed. If she's a courteous, kind, and caring person, someone will say that much. If she's cold and disinterested, someone will voice it.

However, I must warn you. Don't believe everything people say. Nevertheless, But if you ask enough people, you will be able to draw a sufficiently accurate conclusion about the kind of person your lover is.

But why go to all that trouble?

Simply put . . . your future happiness depends on the woman you choose to marry. If she is a bad woman, the wrong woman, you're in big trouble.

There usually should be a period of courtship where you try to know each other better. Do not squander your courtship days by replacing serious conversation about your future together with shallow mouthings crowned with passionate kisses.

You need more than hugs and kisses to make your relationship work. You need to connect emotionally, psychologically, and realistically.

The summary of it all is this.

1. Know yourself. Define what you want, what limits of behavior you will accept, and what constitutes unacceptable behavior to you.

2. Find the woman who matches your set criteria of acceptance. If you already have a woman, analyze her to be sure she meets your criteria.

3. Investigate her adequately. Confirm her claims before building trust and handing your love and life to her.

A bad girl cannot change overnight. It took years to form those bad habits. It will take triple the time it took to form them to abandon them.

Therefore I say, be kind to yourself. If your lover is a bad woman, look else where. She is a time-bomb. Stay away from her for your own good.

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