Boyfriend Not Interested In Sex

by Donna
(Denver, CO, USA)

I have known this man for nine months and we were dating for the first four.

Initially we discussed waiting to have sex so that it wouldn't complicate the relationship.
Once we both decided we really had a connection, I assumed the sex would follow, but it never really did.

Our relationship progressed very quickly in the first few months and we became very close. The problem, though, was that he would tell me he loved me but that sex was something degrading and he respected me too much to have sex with me.

He made many similar excuses at other times. He once said I was too perfect.

I have never met a man who didn't want to have sex with his girlfriend and was very confused.

I am clean and attractive.

I dress nicely and don't accomodate his every whim. We eventually split up for about three months because I could not deal with the situation (lack of sex) and it wasn't changing.

After a while, he wanted to start dating again and "take things slowly". We had sex after a few weeks and it was definitely more frequent.

Everything else in our relationship is great, if one can really believe that. Everything that isn't strained by the rejection I feel from him not appearing excited about sex with me is great, I mean.

We laugh and joke and have fun together. We share common interests and have great conversations.

It is really taking a toll on my own self-esteem that he doesn't seem interested in sex with me at all.

If I initiate, he won't tell me to stop but he never initiates foreplay or even kissing. It is a horrible feeling to think that I am making him have sex when he doesn't really want to.

Do you see any hope for fixing this situation?

I am going to ask him why he never initiates sex but won't know what to say if he makes an excuse similar to the earlier ones. It just stops me dead in my tracks.