Clueless

I am completely clueless as i don't know what is wrong with me. And I don't know what to do or who to ask.

I normally am very close with my younger sister and i talk my heart out. But in this case i just can't! Maybe you can help me.

I am a single woman, 30yrs, not dating from last few years now.

I met this person online, 28yrs, around three months back. We enjoyed talking with each other.

We have met 3 times so far. And he keeps telling me he loves me which i find hard to believe because he is not looking to get married for another 2 yrs and therefore he is just looking for a girlfriend.

I told him i'm not looking for a relationship but just a plain good friendship and that he assured me he won't cross any of his limits without my consent and i appreciated that.

Last Friday he was in town on a business trip and i went to see him at his hotel. I knew my limits would only allow me to kiss him and that's exactly what happened.

We kissed but he became aggressive thinking i would budge in but i ended up yelling at him.

It sure did scare the hell out of him and he kept apologizing for his mistake but i said nothing neither did i argue with him because he forced me to sit and calm down.

I sat and left saying we both are on our own.

He must have at least tried calling me that evening about 8-10 times and texted me. i completely ignored him because i was hurt, not at him but at myself for trusting him.

I don't love him, but i do care for him. It's been 3 days now i haven't heard from him back. I messaged him last night apologizing for not answering his calls.

He replied back saying "its ok, no problem'. I am failing to understand why i never loved him, never trusted what he said, knew from day 1 that his love is nothing but just getting in bed then why the hell i am not liking the fact that i am not gonna hear from him anymore?

Why the heck i am missing him so much. I don't understand. He kept telling me, my love is 110% true.

What is this? What am i suppose to do?

I know for the fact that he is absolutely not the one. But i just miss him so much that i am failing to figure out what to do. I can't concentrate.

Should i text him? But tell what???

I am so sorry, I just needed to talk my heart out to someone. I hope you can help.