commitment phobia

by Elle
(Savananh, GA)

We've been together 8 years, lived together for one year. He's never been married, I've been amicably divorced for 10 yrs with a 16 and 21 year old.

I'm trying to sell my house, we live in an apartment he pays for since I still have all my bills at my house. He also has a small vacation home nearby that he owns with his brother.

whenever I bring up the future (very rarely since it's a taboo subject at our home) he says he plans to buy a house with me after we sell mine.

I made myself vulnerable and told him my true feelings, that I hope we grow old together. No response.

A week later when I asked him why he didn't respond, he said "what would make you think I didn't want to grow old together?" I said after 8 years, I was tired of being introduced as his "friend" and although I had no intention of getting married anytime soon (until my house sold, and we worked out financial issues like life insurance, wills, etc) I thought it would be appropriate to be engaged.

He wouldn't want to spend money on a ring right now I'm sure, so I told him I didn't even care about that, I just wanted a commitment.

I had asked him during a vacation a year ago with my family to talk to my dad about his intentions and he never did and it was never mentioned again.

Talking and dreaming about the future is not something we do and it makes me uncomfortable.

Isn't that what couples do?

My folks are celebrating their 50th this year and I feel like I will be spending my golden years still waiting for the commitment.

I know that his lack of communication about actually committing should be my answer, but I have so much invested emotionally and so do my kids. I don't want another failed relationship.

Should I just drop it since we are otherwise happy? Or is the nagging feeling in my gut the right one?

Thank you for your help.