Dating a man twice my age

by kelly
(pittsburgh)

I'm 22 and dating a man 44. He looks younger, I look older so there doesn't really appear to be that huge of a difference - not that it matters to me - I love him. And he says he loves me.

We actually work together and both work a ton of hours. But sometimes we can go entire work day without even passing one another so it's not like we get sick of each other or its too much.

But I just don't feel the love from him. He tells me all the time I'm the most gorgeous girl he's ever met. And I've actually found in the past, lists he made about things he loves about me, including my looks. (Yes I found this by being a snoop.)

So for that reason I kind of believe him, but why doesn't he act like he's attracted to me? I feel like I'm the last person in the room he notices! And it's been like this for 2 years!

Plus, I'm younger and sexual and eager to be with him b/c I'm very attracted to him. And before we met he was married for 2 years with practically no physical relationship as they were slowly going through a divorce. So I would think he would be SO eager to be with me. But he never seems to be.

Then! I repeatedly found tons of porn on his computer - like everynight. He SWORE it was nothing, he didn't care, it wasn't a problem but wouldn't stop! I kept calling him on it until I broke down and cried telling him it IS a big deal to me. I've had too many perverts in my life to think the man I love is one too.

He swore he would stop, so I put spyware on his computer. To my surprise, he has stopped. At home at least.

Now I'm SO paranoid!

I am constantly thinking he's finding other ways to look at porn. I'm wondering when he goes into the city for the day, even though he seems to have proof it was for work, and this does only happen like once every other month, Y is it so last minute and not planned?

I constantly feel the need to check up on him.
I haven't caught him up to anything, and I've actually tried. I feel like, he's right. I always know where he's at and what he's doing. I can trust him more than anybody. But at the same time, I am CONSTANTLY paranoid.

Why doesn't he seem to have the desire to be physical with me? Why doesn't he act like I'm something special and make me feel like another brick in the wall when there's a lot of other people around?

Why did he look at porn so much and not want me so much?

To me, sounds like he's not that into me but he tells me how much he loves me and wants to marry ... and I've found actual lists of reasons why he thinks I'm so right for him ... I mean there are lots of good things too.

But I can't get past the porn and the 'not so eagerness or excitedness' to see me.

What's a guy's opinion?

I love him. I feel like I can't imagine being without him but I'm driving myself nuts being with him!