Fed up with my husband

by Sonia
(India)

i am 31 and have been married for almost 3 years now.

From the start there was a serious lack of sex and emotional connection between the two of us.

After about 2 years into our marriage i realized that my husband is a manipulator and he uses things like sex, emotional bonding (the things anyone would expect from a normal marriage) to control me.

Previously i would argue and foolishly try to talk to him about it and make him understand. he would always, very innocently (like a kid) would agree with me and promise me that things will be ok the next time.

but it never did ... after three years things are still the same.

i am fed up, frustrated and have come to the end of the line. but my problem is i cannot leave the marriage. my religon dosen't allow me to. (strictly)

even when things were really bad, i never cheated. there were many guys who offered. but i never gave a second thought to any of them. even when i thought i should cheat, something inside of me stopped me from doing it.

what i want is love and a stable family life. not wild sex to get me satisfied for a day or two. all this time with all of these problems i never doubted my love for my husband. it was sort of an accepted thing in my mind.

however, recently i realized that i am getting attracted to a certain person. he is a friend of my husband. younger than both of us. at first it was just a personal fantacy of mine to fill the emptiness within.

but as time went by i felt stonger about him. and recently i came to know that he has feeling for me too. i was blown a way!

i never expected it. i just wanted a secret fantacy to keep me happy and then for it to gradually fade away.

but this new realization is playing hell in my mind.. (as they say, making me smile and making me cry!.. if that makes any sense)

i am confused out of words. in my head i know that this can never work... so i try not to think about it. but my heart is not accepting the reality. it makes me do crazy things.

i have never felt this way before about anyone in my life. maybe i feel lonely and abandoned in my marraige?


what should i do? pls advice?