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He Is Ten Years Older Than I am But I Love Him

6 months ago I met this man. He is 10 years older than I am and in the beginning of the friendship, i didn't think it was a problem. Yet i knew we were not on the same level for many things.

However, i kept seeing this man. I never meant to fall in love and he would tell me day in and day out that he wasn't good enough for me and I deserved better yet he was still there.

6 months later, i'm in love.

He knows that I care about him a lot and love his company. An argument occurred which lead to us not talking for about a week now.

He still speaks to my sister occassionally because he was always around us, always there with my family.

He said to her one day, he didn't want to speak to me until the feelings die out.

Who's feelings? Mine or his?

I know he cares about me, but is he afraid to love? He's been through a lot. I can understand that perfectly, but to push away someone you care about?

He wants to stay away but every weekend when he's not working, he'll call my family to see if he can come visit and stay, knowing that I'll be there.

What is this game he is playing?

I don't know what to do. All that i know, is that I love him, with all my heart.

My Reply

Let's break this down into bits and deal with them one after the other.

From what you've said, this man is a friend of your family.

Your family know him and accept him as a friend

Your sister is comfortable with him and on speaking terms

He spends his free time at your home. He's always around your family.

Part 2

You love his company

You fell in love with him

You still love him with all your heart

You think he's afraid to love

Part 3

He's ten years older than you

He says he's not the right man for you, you deserve better

He picks up a quarrel with you and uses that as an excuse not to speak to you

He tells your sister he wants the feelings to die out

A closer look

From the outline above, it appears as if . . .

Your man is content with being a big brother to you instead of your lover

Your man is afraid you're getting emotionally attached to him instead of just being a good friend (or sister). That's why he wants your feelings to die out.

Your man is afraid he's getting too intimate with you so he picks a quarrel so he can keep his distance and force his feelings to die out

Does the above make sense to you? If it doesn't, please run through it again.

I may be wrong, but it seems as if he's not interested in a romantic relationship with you.

He enjoys the family atmosphere in your home and wants to be a part of your family. He wants to be with your family but not as your fiance.

As I said above, I could be wrong.

So, what should you do?

Use the direct approach . . . ask him what his real intentions are. And please listen with an open mind.

Do not . . .

Jump to the conclusion that he is afraid to love because he's gone through a lot. If you think that is the case . . . ask him if he is.

Jump to the conclusion that he loves you . . . the kind of love that leads to marriage.

Bottom line.

Just ask him. Have an open discussion with him.

For example, after the second time I visited my fiancee's house, her parents invited me to a private discussion. They asked me what my real intentions were.

I went straight to the point. I told them I wanted to marry their daughter.

From then on, they treated me differently. They knew my mission. And I did just what I said I would . . . I married their daughter.

You have a sister. And this guy has become a close family friend to both of you. Your parents ought to have asked him by now what his real intentions are.

Is he interested in having a love relationship with you or your sister? If he's not interested in either of you, what are his interests?

But since your parents haven't bothered to ask him, and you're interested in having an intimate relationship with him, it's your duty to ask him.

A word of advice for you.

If he says he's not interested in a love relationship with you, don't conclude he's lying or afraid to express his true feelings.

You can't read his mind correctly. So take him for his words and move on with your life.

If a man truely loves you, he won't be scared to declare his love. So, as a rule of thumb, if a man is not bold enough to tell you he loves you, he does not love you enough to be your lover.

I wish you true love and happiness.

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