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He Left Me For His Ex

I was in a relationship for 12 years. He left me for his ex. They live together.

Recently he has began calling me. He even sent me flowers.

The breakup was devastating for me. I still love him and he has been coming over a lot. Says he still has a lot of feelings for me.

I am confused on what to do. Should I move on and forget him or wait and see what happens.

He says he is not happy with her. They have separate rooms. Sex has stopped. I am unsure of what to do.

Can you please advice me please. I do love him but do not want to feel that pain again. I never moved on.

My Reply

It is obvious from your mail above that you genuinely love this man. And it's unfortunate that things have turned out this way.

Irrespective of how much you love him, you have to be realistic when evaluating what he's done to you and what he's planning to do with you again.

Let's analyze this with an open mind.

He had a love relationship with his other woman before he met you. Things turned sour between them and he came to you or fell in love with you.

He spent 12 years of his life loving you and promising you he will be your everlasting love. Then suddenly, he walked out of your life and inflicted a terrible pain on you.

Stop and think about this.

He couldn't have gone back to his ex the very first time they met. That is, the first time they got together after he started a love relationship with you.

It is likely that sometime in that 12 years he spent with you, he met his ex again (it could have been a chance meeting) . . .

  • they talked
  • he apologized
  • she apologized
  • they spoke about their previous life together
  • they shared their dreams for the future together
  • They left and arranged to meet again
  • And they met again and again

    It takes a while for two people who have broken up and went their separate ways with different mates to break away from their new lovers and get back together.

    It may have taken as much as 1 year . . . more or less.

    Bottom line.

    There was a period in your relationship when he lied about a lot of things and his whereabouts in order to be with her. He broke up with you when his relationship with his ex reached a crescendo and he couldn't hide it anymore.

    Here's a summary of the scenario.

  • He had problems with his ex girlfriend and walked out on her to be with you
  • When he resolved his problems with his ex girlfriend, he started a love relationship with her again secretly
  • When he was sure everything was settled with his ex girlfriend, he left you and returned to her
  • Now that things have gone sour with her again, he starts courting you again
  • He buys you flowers and tells you he still has strong feelings for you
  • He discredits his ex before you and hence, make you feel sort of special
  • When he's sure you've forgiven him and accepted his offer, he will leave her again

    When he leaves her for you this time, he would have left her twice and you once.

    But what happens . . .

  • when she welcomes him back to her arms
  • when she makes him happy again
  • when she offers to share the same room with him again
  • when the sex becomes exceptionally good again and
  • when her offer becomes too tempting to resist?

    What would he do then? Would he leave you for her as he did before? Or will he stay with you permanently this time?

    I don't know.

    However, if you ask him if he's here to stay permanently this time, he will tell you a loud "YES".

    He may even go further and tell you why you're better than his ex girlfriend. As proof, he may do stuff with you and for you that he hadn't done before.

    That's just camouflage.

    The question is, "will he stay with you forever through thin and thick, through good and bad times? Or will he walk out on you again to his ex girlfriend or some other girl he falls passionately in love with in the future?"

    Only time can answer that.

    What should you do? Should you accept him? Or should you just forget him and move on with your life?

    That is your decision to make. I can't tell you what to do. It's your life.

    But I can tell you this.

    History has a way of repeating itself. If he has left you for his ex girlfriend before, he can leave you again.

    But will he leave you again? I don't know.

    Wait. Can you take that risk? Can you take another heartbreak? Will you survive it?

    Do what's in your best interest. Don't be swayed by his bad comments about his ex girlfriend or even his sweet smelling flowers. Think of yourself and what's in your best interest.

    I guess a big part of your problem is how to move on if you decide to reject his offer. Up until now, you've been unable to move on. Hence, his offer to return is tempting.

    But know this.

    A second breakup from the same man can be twice as devastating as the first. It's better to find a workable way to get over your heartbreak than to live a fool's paradise by seeking to deal with your heartbreak by accepting him back.

    I have said enough. It's time for you to decide.

    Will you accept his proposal or will you politely bid him fareware?

    Do what's best for you now and in the long-term.

    True love is hard to find. Nevertheless, you can find it. But I doubt if your man's love relationship proposition is true love.

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