He Seems To Step Back Everytime I Move
Closer To Him

In October of 2006, I by happenstance met a wonderful, nice man. We worked on a campaign together. We began to talk to each other nightly.

He was the candidate so I didn't know at the time if he was just talking to me because of the campaign or not. Until one night close to the election, he began to talk to me on a personal level.

When I got up to leave the watch party, he ran to hug me for several minutes and he begged me to not stop speaking to him even though he lost the election. He said that he wanted us to continue talking as much as we did before the election.

Well, for a few weeks following the election, it was difficult to get in touch with him.

Finally, he asked me to several events. One was a party of a friend and he walked me around the party and we were holding hands and he introduced me to all of his friends.

He has a son and we hit it off quickly.

The first time he came over my house he brought his son with him. He always told me that if his son did not like someone that it was a dealbreaker.

His son called me around Xmas and told me that of all of the women that his father introduced him to that I was his favorite.

He finally invited me over to his home several weeks ago and he told me that he really wants to settle down. He also informed me that he had been divorced TWICE and that he wanted to make sure that the third time is right and that he is waiting God to give him guidance.

He says that's why he is taking our friendship so slow. He says that he got out of a relationship two years ago that devastated him; she left him after he lost another election that he ran in two years ago and he said he had never felt such pain in his life.

I got frustrated around New Year's and told him that I no longer wanted to be friends or whatever you call this. He became very alarmed and gave me all of these explanations as to why he is the way that he is and that he is praying for resolution to this this year.

My question is if a man has been hurt very, very badly but says that he hates being single and is hesitant around women because of his life and love experiences how long should I accept that?

He is a great guy, a good father, he is caring and a great listener but everytime I move closer to him, he seems to step back.

My Reply

I'm sure you understand why he seems to step back.

Going through a divorce process TWICE is like failing a critical university entrance examination twice. The third attempt you're filled with caution, anxiety, tension, and even fear.

It's likely that each of those last two love relationships started with a lot of love, hugs, hand holding and euphoria as yours is now. Everything was fine until something went wrong and the relationship was irredeemable.

Now he's in love again and everything is just perfect. That's great. But will something go wrong again? Will this love blow in his face again?

So fear grips him and he decides to take it slow.

What can you do?

Threatening to breakup with him may not do the magic. Okay, you can do that as a last resort.

But for now try and be empathetic. Ask him what went wrong with his marriage the last two times.

The truth is . . . if he has had two divorce, there's a big chance your relationship may also end up in divorce. He has been through that road twice. Nothing stops him from going through a third time.

Basically, this means it's important you know why he has had two divorce. Don't assume his previous wives were bad and intolerable. He may be the one at fault. He may be the one too quick to head for the door.

Therefore, finding out the true reasons behind his previous divorce will . . .

1. Help you understand him better and get to the point where he doesn't step back anymore.

2. Help you decide whether the relationship is worth the investment in time and emotions in view of the risk of divorce down the road.

Where do you begin?

Tell him you want an honest and straightforward discussion about his past. What do you want to achieve?

You want to . . .