I Am Afraid That
I Will Be Hurt

I have a stumbling block which is hindering my relationship with the man I truly love and that is that I still put up my walls as I am afraid that I will be hurt if I get too close to him.

Please can you help me and I am lost and I need to get my strength back.

My Reply

Hi.

One year and two months is a long time . . . enough time to know the true nature and intentions of your man.

You say he has re-assured you more than once that he loves you dearly. That's great. But do you have reasons to doubt him? Is his love genuine and straight from the heart?

If your answer to both question is YES, then the problem is not him but you.

So, what could be the problem? What's stopping you from trusting him? Why are you afraid that you will be hurt?

Most women who put up walls and have difficulty trusting 100% the man they love is due to past experience.

These class of women loved a man in the past with their whole heart. They invested everything they had in the love relationship. And everything went well for a long time.

Then suddenly, and for flimsy reasons, the man came to her door one day and said it was all over. He said he was sorry. But that doesn't help.

The breakup hurts these women deeply. The man they loved was so sweet and caring, what got over him? How could he just abandon her for some other woman after all his promises?

Some women's world fall apart. Many survive and find love again after a long while.

But even at that, there's this inner fear . . . this uncertainty.

The new love is sweet, perhaps even sweeter than the previous love. He promises her the world like the previous lover. He makes her world go round like the previous lover.

Is his affection genuine? Oh, yes . . . or is it?

Who knows. The previous lover's affections and love looked genuine too. It felt and sounded genuine until he walked out of her life for no reason.

Your heartbreaking experience with love relationships or those of someone you know may form the basis of your fears and the walls you put up.

After been hurt once, you take everything a man says with a pinch of salt knowingly or unknowingly.

So, what should you do to break down this walls and take him for his words?

First, be convinced that he loves you.

How?

Use the love quiz to analyze his personality and your relationship with him.

Also scan through the love steps to see if your relationship follows the well-known pattern of true love.

Decision time.

Are you convinced his love is genuine after all of this practical analysis? Can you trust him to keep his promises? Does his attitude and approach to life and loving label him as a heartbreaker?

When you've convinced yourself his love is genuine, start on the next step.

What's that?

Build a solid bridge . . . build a connection between the two of you that's unbreakable.

How do you do that?

Make yourself a formidable presence in his life. Let him "eat you", "drink you", "breath you". Be the core of his existence. Make yourself a huge part of his life. And make him a huge part of your life.

It's not about love making. It's about living life together in practical ways. It's about living as if you were already married.

What does that mean?

Well, married people plan together and execute together. They share a collective responsibility in managing a home. Their lives are interwoven so much so that the two become one.

If you develop that kind of bonding with your boyfriend . . . if you connect on a deep personal level with two of you into yourselves . . . it's difficult to breakup even when there are problems.

The more you connect in your love relationship . . . the more two of you become one . . . the greater the security you feel in the relationship.

And the more you get into each other, the less the doubts you have. Eventually your walls will begin to crumble little by little until you feel perfectly safe in his arms.

If after trying all of the above the walls and the fears still won't go away, perhaps you have a deeply ingrained fear beyond what's normal.

If that is the case, you should see a psychologist.

I wish you the very best in your love relationship.