I am in love with a girl who has a boy friend but gave me hopes

by pubudu
(Sri Lanka)

I am a 31 year old Sri Lankan Buddhist & I'm a Pharmacist. Never had a girlfriend, never had sex. Tried to be too good (never rewarded).

In February 2009 i was about to migrate to Australia to join my brother who sponsored me for my higher education in Australia. He was my Guardian Angel & only hope especially when i was troubled by parent problems and history of depression and generalized Anxiety for more than 20 years.

But tragedy struck before I joined my brother. He was crushed onto a hydraulic door of the passenger ship he was working (he was the chief engineer) and after 3 weeks of struggling he left this world.

I couldn't bare it. I tried to commit suicide. took 80 Digoxin & 60 Warfarin tablets and admitted to hospital & still survived after 2 weeks at the I.C.U.

Then time went by and I found a new job. This is where my relationship problem starts. Please bare with me.

I met this girl who was 22 years old. she used to come to the shop where I am working to buy glossaries (never wanted medicines).

Like all the other men, I was falling in love with her and whenever i see her even from a distance my heart starts to beat faster because shes a special one for me.

She was very friendly with me and not to mention with lots of other people also.

She used to come to the shop at least 3,4 times a day to buy biscuits, put Re-Loads (put money to the mobile phones of the managers of her institute).

unfortunately i was unable to get her no. because our shop didn't have the facility to put re-loads to the connection she was using.)

so after one month I asked the question "don't misunderstand me. do you have a boyfriend? and please don't stop coming to the shop simply because i asked this from you".

she just smiled at me and gently said, "Yes I have a boy friend" and left the place.

it was about 4.15 p.m. then again she came twice to the shop to put re-loads and change money and the other two guys working with me have noticed, she was giving a constant eye contact to me which I was unable to notice.

then days went by and still she came to the shop 3,4 times a day and very good with me & other guys also. I couldn't bare this thing because day by day the more I see her I get attached to her. she's working few yards down from the street I am working. and when i go to the window and looking at the place where she's working if she see me she's also looking at me that eye to eye contact last for at least 10-15 seconds.

Then I wrote a letter to her (I addressed it to her work place) saying 'without hope or agenda my wasted heart will love you ..etc " then she stop coming to the shop for about two weeks.

then she starts coming back again. she behave like nothing has happened. So meanwhile most of the guys working near that place was interested at her, starting to make rumors saying that she doesn't have a boy friend, some say she has a boy..etc

I couldn't bare this and one day when she came to the shop I asked her permission to talk to her. and we talked about 10 minutes I called A Spade A Spade. told everything about my traumatic past specially why I am struggling to forget her and I asked her again "is it true that you have a boy?"

she said yes and she told her boy is not doing a job but went to the final interview at the local Excise department.(she mentioned that she received my letter & she is also to be blamed herself for giving me hopes. I still don't know why she said that )

then she came twice to the shop within a week and stopped coming to the shop for about one month. then she made brief appearances once in 3 weeks or so. And that eye to eye contact from the distance also vanished.

Then one day she had come to the shop to change some money when I was not there. one of the guys of my shop told her "I saw you with your boyfriend on Valentine's day you were wearing a blue denim" then she had told him "why didn't you speak to us I have mention about you guys to my boy so it wouldn't have been a problem"

But I knew & I saw as a fact, on Valentine's day she came to work wearing a black trouser & a light yellow blouse. this gave me another mess on my mind.

so one day after work I follow her and she noticed me and smiled at me twice (we were in the same bus ) as she got down from the bus I went to her and told what I knew (what the other guy at the shop told her )

I said " please don't misunderstand me. all the other guys at the shop and around your work place still wants to find whether you really have boyfriend. that's why they are asking question like that but I have nothing to do with that. she admits she is not blaming me for that. Then I told her " if you can bring your boyfriend to the work place then this nonsense will stop & it is good for your safety also " then I apologized once again and went away.

after 3 days ( 28th April 2010 ) she brought her boyfriend to her work place . I was crushed . I just wanted to make sure he is The one and follow them after work. I got into the bus they got in. they were in Love at the back seat. I couldn't resist it I got down immediately what I saw was enough i guess.

Then for the last time I wrote a letter to her saying what i have saw & thanking for accepting my request. In that letter I mentioned my e-mail address and facebook address, saying " someday if you wish to tell me something or you need a help please don't be hesitate to write to me "

I learnt that even though she works in the same place, the institute has transformed it into another organization.

My question is what shall i do now sir? I cant forget her. I am afraid to meet her. I am willing to wait as long as i can until i hear something from her if her relationship ends. ( BUT AS A BUDDHIST I WILL NEVER EVER PRAY for THAT TO HAPPEN )

I cant be her friend because we don't get chance to meet often.

What shall I do . please help me.

Reply By Samson, True Love Advisor

From what you said above, she's already with another man and she even brought the man to her office to let you know she's not lying.

I suggest you let it go.

Maybe things won't work out with her current man and she may need another guy. But even if that happens, what make syou think the new guy will be you?

It's great to wait but only when they is a mutual agreement to wait. If a girl smiles at you, that is not a sign that she's into you.

Even after you get married a lot of women will smile at you. It's a sign of courtesy or friendship. It's not necessarily a sign of love.

Look, you sound like a great guy. You shouldn't kill yourself over a girl that isn't into you. True love is fifty fifty, both ways.

The girl you should 'die' for should be one who is ready to die for you.

You may not believe it now, but there's someone out there who will be willing to go to the ends of the earth with you.

Just wait and have faith. That person is out there. And you will find her if you believe.