I Can't Stop Thinking of Her
(montreal)
I meet this girl (the girl is Persian Muslim, she had these come back before 6pm etc...), she first came to talk to me; if I remember correctly.
We were college students, I was helping her with our class etc..., and I noticed she looked at me in class (after I started helping her), so we started talking more especially personally but still relating to school.
Then, I was with college friends (same ethnic than her too) and she was with girls (from her ethnic, friends), we all started to move and she asked me to go study in her car.
We went in her car (she put her brother music, we did nothing physical, talked about the exam, told me the person who just walked in front and saw us was her cousin, in the car.
I asked if we could see each other during the summer, she said of course and I got her number), we went in class, she sit behind me, I knew she was looking at me. College was over.
However, I called her 3 weeks later, asking her out and telling her I was leaving in 1 week for the entire summer, she was upset, her voice was talking faster and louder (saying; why are you leaving, how come), than she said she would call me back (it never came).
I came back at the end of the summer, called her nothing. College start back, she’s in my class (I look at her, she was like; what I am going to do, she was looking as wondering; how to react with the fact I am here).
Gradually, we start talking back to each other (mostly school), then I got her to give me her msn, we chatted; I said she was beautiful etc..., the next day, I wrote her on piece of paper, we talked like that(it was in class), she kept licking her lips, passing her hand in her hairs etc.
I asked her out again; she said was impossible, cuz if we became friends (we would develop feeling, and she had a ''future husband'' for 2 years now, and even if it didn’t work out with him, she would find another man).
I told her; '' Your boyfriend is a lucky man because he knows he has a beautiful and kind woman, on which he can count on when he is down'', than I said bye.
The conversation had ended at ours lockers and she said ''what am I doing here''. I started to ignore her for a couple of weeks, then gradually talk to her (during the period, I was talking about it to a friend who I saw her tap his ass without mentioning her name, but he told me her name, so she must have told him this, she later told me; he was a very close friend).
The semester ended: she pushed me up cheerily, put my hand on her forehead, than I said to her good vacation and good luck with your boyfriend (mentioning the man I was talking to him about her; she said did he told you this, I said no, she say; he’s just a good friend). During the winter vacation she texted me; for the New Year and the class mark. Then came the new semester, on the first day; she came to me from behind, all cheerful and smiling, we talked and then went to our schedule, some girlfriends of her (she as 2 class with me) showed up. In the middle of the conversation; she became distant, and from this time she been distant toward me and I from her (but I want to talk to her), she only came to me once and was to ask for school help.
I know it’s a long paragraph, but feels good to talk about it, because even if she said no and I am seeing other girls. I can’t stop thinking of her and want to know more about her life.
At the time in the car I wasn’t very skilled in socializing with women (was really shy, didn’t know what to do, was scared of trying not to hurt her feeling or mine aha). Now, I am more mature.
I believe she doesn’t really know what she wants in life, maybe stuck between family and her feelings. Or, she does have feeling but not enough to change. Or, I screwed up.
Anyway, thanks for reading this paragraph and if you have any commentaries or opinions, they are all welcome.
