i Let the one I really wanted get too far away

by Kris
(Oklahoma City, Okla.)

He was one of my ex's best friends. We did some harmless flirting while we were both married but nothing else. We both divorced and became inseparable.

We were nothing but friends I was still very much in love with my ex. He also knew this. He never let a day go by without calling or coming by. We became best friends, then he started saying and doing things that were obvious attempts at maybe having something between us I never really took these seriously.

Everyone around us could tell. They would say things like "man he sure does love you" I would just say "well, I just don't see him that way" This went on for about 3yrs. Then we became intimate finally.

I was not thrilled. He thought it was the most awesome thing ever. We remained friends and still fooled around when we were lonely and yes sometimes when we were drunk. He did finally reveal his true feelings for me and I told him I just wasn't ready. But I did not want him to go anywhere.

I wanted him to be around me all the time. I would encourage him to date and he did a few times. Then one day he was on a date with a girl and brought her to my place and introduced me to her. I was very polite and acted very excited for him. Then when I heard they had a few more dates feelings inside me I have never felt for him before just started gushing out.

I did not like this at all that he was seeing someone else. I then moved a little farther away from him and the calls stopped and the visits were no more. I am now more than ever in love with him than I have ever been.

My question is, should I go on or should I try to get in touch with him and let him know how I am feeling?

It's now to the point where we haven't spoken in about 4 or 5 months. Seems a little silly to try now. I can't shake the feeling that me and him are so good together, we could say anything to each other, he used to sit up at night and tell my son bedtime stories to give me a break.

Our interests are identical, our humor is so awesome together. I miss him so much. I want that back.

Do I just want the friendship back? Yes, absolutely I can't stand not being able to call him and talk to him anymore.

Do I want a relationship with him? I just don't know what to do?