I Love A Girl Who Is Three Years Older Than Me

I am currently in a very good job and I think I love a girl who is three years older than me in the same job but working in a different city.

I saw her during the training period. My family is completely against the Love marriage - don't know about hers. We talk less these days.

I said I think I love her but she is really in love with me and she said it explicitly in front of everyone when we parted. Give me a solution. The very thought of her is disturbing me in my work and affecting my real abilities in my work. I fear that her entry in my life and mind could lead to a disaster of my career which i value so much. Suggest me something.

Last Question: Does Love happen only one time in Life or does life give a second chance as it gives for so many other aspects of life?

I need the answer desperately...

My Reply

Hi.

Let's try and break your question into the different sub-units.

1. You think you love a girl who is 3 yrs older than you. You're sure she loves you.

2. You work in the same company but she's in a different city.

3. Your family is against the relationship

4. Just thinking of her disturbs your concentration at work. Her entry into your life could destroy your career.

5. Does love happen more than once in a lifetime?

Let's address the issues step by step.

First, you think you love her.

Let me remind you that love relationship has its ups and downs. Things are a lot easier to handle - and fun - when you really love your partner.

You therefore need to do some soul searching. Do you really love her or you just like and admire her?

Her thoughts disturb your concentration.

This suggests you have a strong attachment to her. This attachment is love when you have a strong desire to settle down with her and she reciprocates 50-50. You're in love when you're willing to give your heart to someone without reservations.

If this is how you feel, then you're in love.

But as you mentioned, there are obstacles.

For starters, your parents are against the relationship.

Parents can be one huge stumbling block to love relationships. But then you must understand their position.

Your parents want the best for you.

True, they may not always be fair to the girl you bring home. They may over-scrutinize her or be outright prejudiced against her. Whatever the case, they're still your parents.

My advice is that you should try and win them over. Emphasize the positives of your woman. Sell her to them.

If after your best efforts, they're still obstinate, it's time to chose - your parents' smile of favor or the relationship.

Please see this articles.

http://www.true-love-relationship-advice.com/stand-up-for-love.html

http://www.true-love-relationship-advice.com/dangerously-in-love.html

A note of caution:

Be ready for some serious family tension when you go against your parents' wishes.

However, if you're truly in love, and the girl is doggedly in love with you, nothing stops you from going ahead. Your parents will come around someday.

You said she works in the same company? Well, note that office relationships can be tricky. If something goes wrong along the way and the relationship doesn't work, she can make claims that are untrue (just being cautious). In some cases, disgruntled female colleagues (previously in love and in a relationship with a colleague) have turned back to accuse their one time lover of sexual harassment when things didn't work out between them.

This is not to discredit your love. It simply says, "be absolutely sure. Let her prove her love".

Her love for you must go beyond just words. She must have a visible presence in your life and work with you to build a real relationship, a home.

Occasional phone calls isn't the real thing. She must be glued to you and your world by her words and actions. She must be so in love that she finds excuses to call you again and again.

Think about it.

If you love somebody, the person will always be in your thoughts, right? Since that's the case, it's natural to at least want to speak with your lover at regular intervals.

Love is real.

You feel it, you see it, you taste it. Distance is no barrier especially if you fell in love before distance became a challenge.

About the age difference.

Age shouldn't be a barrier to love.

However, depending on the society you live, age difference can be a challenge later in the relationship if the woman is older than you.

Nevertheless, it depends on the woman herself and the way she was brought up.

If she grew up believing the husband is head of the family and deserves deep respect as many Christians do, the age gap in favor of her will not cause problems. So it all depends on her beliefs and attitudes.

Does love happen more than once in a lifetime? Can you fall in love again?

Yes . . . if you let yourself.

A lot of people have suffered heartbreak sometime in their life. They were miserable after the breakup. They thought they could never love again.

Fortunately, they fell in love again. And many report that the second love was better than the first. Why?

They learnt from previous mistakes. They learnt not to rush in (only fools rush in).

Your first love cannot be like your second (if there is a second). The two people will never be the same. You will miss some things in your previous love. But then, you will gain new things in your new love.

Bottom line.

You can fall in love again after a breakup. It will hurt real bad to loose the person you love. But life must go on.

It's sad but it's true.

A word of advice.

This relationship has its challenges. You will need to sacrifice a lot. There's your parents' disapproval and possibly opposition, the challenge of the job etc.

So, ask her, how much is she willing to sacrifice to have the relationship?

True love is a 50-50 thing. If what she feels is love, she should be willing to sacrifice too.

Weigh your options carefully. Do what's best in the circumstances.

Best wishes,

Samson Itoje

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