i need help with my boyfriend's jealousy

by alexia
(fl)

i have been in a relationship with an incredibly loving man for a little over 4 months now.

i know it hasnt been that long yet, but we hit it off from the moment our eyes met. things were amazing. we fell head over heels in love with each other.

then, i moved in with him about 2 months ago. that's when his jealousy started showing a lot more.

its getting worse and worse and worse. i cant use my cell phone without him running across the room to see who im calling, or texting, or what im doing on the internet.

i was employed as a computer technician for a period of time in the past so im really good with computers and love learning more about them.

but in his mind, whenever im on the internet, hes assuming im talking to a 'secret lover' behind his back.

i have a myspace account and i can understand there being a little insecurity about that so i told him my email address and password so he could go into it anytime he wants, even if im not around, to see if hes able to find anything "incriminating" that he seems to be searching so hard to find.

i pretty much gave up all my straight guy friends so he wouldnt have to worry about that, except for a select few that i have introduced him to and we've all hung out many of times together.

the select few that i do have left, i never hang out with when he's not with me. and the only time he's not with me is when he's at work.

he believes every guy i've introduced him to so far is a guy that i've had sex with and its really pissing me off!!

i'm trying to be patient because i know hes been burned in the past real bad, but thats NO EXCUSE to me because ive been cheated on, EVERYONES been cheated on.

im not going to treat him like hes the guy that screwed me over, thats not fair to him. and its not fair to me to be treated like the girl who screwed him over.

i can never get him to tell me what hes thinking or how hes feeling. (when i can plainly see hes pissed or upset about something on his facial expressions) and then i get sooooo pissed when i ask him whats wrong and he shakes his head saying 'nothing', (im the type that becomes silent when angry) and then he gets pissed that im not talking to him or showing him any attention.

when we go out and guys talk to me (at a friends house or at a bar) he'll go out of his way to barge into the conversation while trying to make it look like he casually walked over.

he'll act fine at that point and time, but later Í'll hear how 'the guy was hitting on me' and 'i was flirting' and blah blah blah. when all im doing is TALKING.

last time i checked, talking is not infidelity.

another time i was driving him to work and a truck driver driving an 18 wheeler was in the lane next to us on my side (drivers side) and as the guy passed, he turned around to check me out through his back window and my boyfriend flicked him off and was trying to jump out of the car to fight him and then the truck driver started flicking him off and was weaving in and out of my lane almost running me off the road. UNCALLED FOR.

if another chick checks out my man, im flattered.

i have repeatedly talked to him about his jealousy issues and he just cant seem to control it. he has such low self esteem and i do everything i can to try and help raise it. i dont know what to do.

i believe he truly thinks theres not a woman out there who is actually looking for love, friendship, and happiness. his mind tells him 'there must be ulterior motives'.

i love him. besides the jealousy, hes very sweet, loving, and caring.

part of my mind says "hey, if you never go anywhere with him then there'll be no men around to intimidate him and then no arguments".

but i know thats definitely not going to happen. and when i go out, im not just going to stand in a corner with my head down, hoping no man will talk to me.

im very sociable. always have been.

i talk to men, women, and children. and im tired of feeling guilty when im doing nothing wrong.

ive never given him a reason to doubt my trust. he says its all cause of what his ex did.

in fact, i have proved my trust.

shortly after we started dating, he wound up in the hospital for 7 days straight. i spent the night in those stupid uncomfortable chairs they have EVERY SINGLE NIGHT that he was there. only leaving for a couple of hours a day to run home and shower and eat something.

then to top it off, i had the flu.

i wasnt getting sufficient sleep and i was in a place where there was nothing but more germs. i was hurting bad. but i stuck it out through the pain just to be by his side.

if i was a cheater, i could've told him i needed a decent nights sleep and that i was going home.

i could have gone out and slept with the world,
BUT I DIDNT!!!

to me, that seems pretty loyal.

what can i do to get it through his thick head that i love him and i wanna be with him and only him?

if i wanted someone else, i wouldnt be in a relationship with him and it irritates me cause im not a jealous person.

i used to be (before him). but then i came to realize after being cheated on numerous times, if someones a cheater, whether you got them under a magnifying glass 24/7 or not, they'll find a way to cheat.

you cant stop someone who's a cheater. so why stress over it?

we live in a county thats not that big. around here, everyone knows somebody, who knows somebody, who knows somebody, who knows your cousin, who knows you.

in this county, everything gets back to you. whether it be a day, a week, a month, or year, it'll come around. end of story.

And that pisses me off the most cause i feel like i should make it just as hard on him, act all jealous and possessive just to show him what hes putting me through.

ive tried a couple of times but i just cant cause im not insecure.

im trying to be patient but how long should i wait before i give up?

have i waited long enough?

i mean, hes not even making any improvement in trying to trust me a little at a time.

how can i put it to him gently that im on the brink of leaving?

what do i do?

what do i say?

i want he and i to work sooooo bad but no matter how much i love him, i refuse to ever live like that again and i will leave - heartbroken.