Is This Love?

Is this love? You ask that question when you're at crossroads.

It feels like love. It tastes like love. Your heart yearns for this special person. But you’re unsure. Is this love? Really, is it?

The truth is . . . there are times when you may think you have found love when, in fact, what you have is just intense admiration or infatuation.

This is not some exaggeration.

People fall in love only to discover months later, even years later, that it wasn't really love. Think of how disastrous this can be.

There is also another side to this subject.

You may find someone you truly love but the person may not feel the same way you do about the relationship.

You don't need to ask, is this love, because you are convinced it is.

On the other hand the person you're in love with may be unsure. She may be asking herself privately, is this love?

Then again, she may not be asking is this love. She's convinced she's not in love with you and she can never be.

Consider a real life story.

I young man from the Middle East wrote me about a month ago. He had a relationship problem and he wanted a solution.

What was the problem?

He explained it himself in this email to me.

M.S. wrote: (name withheld for privacy reasons. Pardon the spelling and grammar errors)

"I'll start with you from the beginning

I went to England to study English in January. It was my first visit to England. When I arrived in Heathrow Airport every body treated my so nice.

I stared in my English class in the day I arrived when I saw my teacher I get chocked. I didn't realize what was that. I don't now but I was trying to talk to her no matter about what.

Sorry it is long story but I'll get to the point.

I found my future in here eyes. I sent card and flowers to her I saw nothing change. I asked her to go out for dinner she said no but with gentle way.

I thought I could forget her or she could give chance and just listen to me for minutes for God sake.

I sent one of my friends to talk to her she gave him her E-mail

I thought this is going to affect her opinion unfortunately I wish she didn't

After first E-mail she said no with a lot of reasons all of these reason is nothing

She wrote:". . . "

(My notes: I do not have the girl's permission to publish her email to M.S. so I'll just summarize the contents of the email below.)

She wrote:

"I'm deeply sorry that I caused you so much trouble.I saw you as a kind and entertaining student and I just wanted to help you. I'm sorry my actions and words gave you the wrong impression.

I am a Christian. I have freedom from knowing Jesus Christ as my God, savior and friend. I will not share my life with anyone who is not a strong Christian.

I prefer to remain single rather than have a relationship without Jesus as the center.

Give yourself time. Your feelings will change. You will meet the right girl who will make you happy."

There you have the story.

Now I ask, is this love? Is M.S. in love? Is the girl in love?

Below is my reply to M.S.

"Hi, M.S.

I understand how it feels like to love someone so deeply and not have the person return your love. It hurts, it really hurts.

But you must get realistic and look beyond just what you feel. Pause and examine the facts of the case.

Here are the facts.

Your side of the story:

She says she was only doing you a favor by helping you around England. She's sorry she gave you a wrong impression about her motives.

That tells me she's kind-hearted, considerate, and loveable. No wonder you fell in love fast.

But she says she doesn't want a love relationship.

Secondly, she insists that she cannot marry any man who is not a christian. And she talked so much about her love for Jesus.

From her email, it appears as if she's a serious Christian. One thing you must know about devoted Christians is that they take their faith seriously. Consequently, as she said, serious devoted Christians don't marry anyone who does not share their faith.

There's even a particular Christian group that do not marry anyone who do not belong to their denomination. That means they don't marry from among other Christian groups. It's that serious.

Now you know the facts of the case.

There are a number of things you can do.

You can . . .

1. Persuade her or manipulate her to forget her faith and marry you. If you try hard enough, and if you play some tricks, you may get her to change her mind and marry you.

2. You can become a Christian. And remain a Christian all your life.

3. You can become a Christian. After marrying her, you change back to being a Muslim. Then compel her to practice your Muslim faith.

4. You can decide to respect her . . . respect her beliefs, respect her person, and forget about the relationship.

What option will you choose?

Some men have adopted option 3 above and succeeded. They won the girl's heart by becoming an active member of her faith, married her, then dumped the faith.

But for every case I've seen where this happened, the woman always felt used, deceived, and abandoned. And she also feels a sense of long-term guilt for being unfaithful to her God. And that makes her really unhappy.

If you love this woman, you will not do items 1 - 3 to her. If you do, you will only be self-centered and selfish.

We are left only with item 4.

Believe me, item 4 above is the honorable thing to do.

This girl has been honest with you. Her email is very clear on what she wants and how she wants to live her life.

My advice?

Respect her wishes.

Religion is a powerful force. The greatest of wars, and the fiercest, are those fought in the name of God and religion. Therefore, religion is something you cannot dismiss with a wave of the hand.

Her faith means a lot to her. And her faith says she cannot marry you. So, she says she cannot. Respect her wishes.

Think about it?

Suppose some girl falls in love with you and is dying to marry you but you don't love her. Do you think she can persuade you to change your mind?

Obviously not.

Love is sweetest when it is a shared feeling. Love is wonderful when both parties feel the same way about each other.

In summary . . .