It keeps on happening

by Chelsea
(California)

Last summer I met this amazing guy, well, actually I saw him. I was with my friends at this camp we were at and I saw him playing basketball with his friend. I can't really explain what happened.

The first thing I noticed was that he was cute and had a great smile. But I see guys like that all the time and it didn't explain what happened next. I couldn't stop staring at him and he was staring too. And even when I went home I couldn't stop thinking about him even though I didn't even know him!

He was on my mind constantly after that even when I went out with this great guy Josh. That relationship didn't last.

Josh thought I wasn't as into it as he was and he was right. I had that boy on my mind. It turned out he was friends with a couple of my friends and I got his AIM.

I met him a few weeks later and he remembered me!

We started talking and we had so much in common. Love of music, books, writing, sports, we had lived in the same cities without knowing it, and had basically the same veiws and values.

For the first time I felt that I actually connected with someone and he felt the same. After meeting once with some friends and having the best time. We just got along so great and the feelings were amazing.

After that I told him how I felt and he said he felt the same but didn't want a relationship then because it was a busy time for him.

I pressured him anyway, stupidly. He said yes and we went out for three weeks. We didn't see each other once but talked every day.

When we broke up (a mutual descision we both weren't ready for) it was devastating. We didn't talk for a month and he went out with another girl. That relationship ended a week earlier than ours had though they saw each other every day and then he contacted me.

His friends said he had been thinking out me and talking about me. We talked again for awhile and it was like nothing had changed. He was in a bad place and his friends said he wouldn't open up, even to his best friend. But then he opened up to me and let me help him.

It was just so wonderful but then we lost touch. I couldn't stop thinking about him though so in February I contacted him. He was in a new relationship of a week with a girl who looks exactly like me, almost.

He was nervous about talking about it but I put everything into making him confortable and showed him no matter what I was gonna support him.

We talked about everything, music, art, politics, ourselves, anything and everything. The next day he broke up with his GF and contacted me first for the first time since we broke up. We started talking online and texting constantly ... even calling a few times.

We talked everyday and he told my friend he didn't know what he felt for me because he didn't really know me but he kept saying the sweetest things to me and doing the sweetest things.

He told me he couldn't be the real him as much with other people. I told him I might feel the same too. I didnt want to freak him out but then I freaked out.

I thought he was playing me. I blew up at him and let all my feelings out. He was still so sweet about it and acknowledged stuff he did wrong and said that he did care about me but it was bad.

We didn't talk for almost two months. He wouldnt answer me when I tried. Until two days ago, when he messaged me saying a friend had talked to him and he wanted to talk about things. I saw the message between him and my friend.

He said that he was glad my friend messaged him because he had been thinking about how cool we were and he didn't know what happened but that he was the one that screwed up and tried to just forget about it. And the way my friend put it made him think.

He said he was glad I had a friend like that and that he'd talk to me. And he did. Its only been two days but the first day our convo was great, like it used to be but it seemed like he was guarding himself behind useless jokes he never made.

I tried to open him up and I think it worked he started to talk normally and it was a great conversation.

The next day he came on but was away. I had my away up too but I saw him and wished desperately for him to Im me. And he did.

He said he didn't know if I was there but he had just heard this song and made him think about me and he thought I'd like it.

He told me where to find it and I checked it out. The lyrics went, "im not suprised you still call, Im more surprised that I dont pick or call you back.. show me you love me, thats all I need."

It was so sweet and I thanked him and he seemed emabrrased at first. Then he asked me about my sketch that I had said I was working on and I told him about it. I had to describe it in detail because thats what I do.. He didnt mind though and seemed interested but then he had to go.

I was so dissapointed that he left and in myself. No matter how I tried to convince myself I knew I had fallen for him again. I just want to know why this keeps happening I guess and if theres a chance all this means something. I feel like I cant shake him.

I know I love him even though I deny it and how little we know each other or have seen each other. I just don't know why this keeps happening.

Can anyone offer any insight because I'm just a mess right now and dont know what to do or think about him and our relationship.