My Man Keeps Getting Into Trouble. Should I End The Relationship Or Keep Trying?

by Jesse
(bentonville,ar)

I'm about to be 22 in 2 days and i am in a relationship and not sure what i feel or think i should do.

My fiance and i have been together for 4yrs. and we have 2 kids together. Ever since i met him he was getting himself in trouble and it didn't fase me at first. i just thought o yeah he is a bad boy.

well after we had our fist son he said he was going to change and get his life straight and take care of us and yada yada yada.

Well he ended up getting into trouble and not being around for our son's first birthday he was gone for 4 months.

He got out and same thing he said he was going change and do good. We ended up having another son. Things were going good for almost the whole year and then he started drinking and got into trouble again.

i said i had enough and went as far as to move 650miles way. He was gone for 6 months and missed our second son's first birthday. he was talking and i said ok maybe we can work this out.

I went to see him then brought him home with me, and then he got in trouble again.

I have been trying so hard to stay together and make things work and hoping maybe he will change, but now it seems he's not going to.

I just don't know what to do. i hate him when he is around but miss him when he is away.

The hardest thing is that he keeps playing the kid card, saying we can work this out, we have 2 boys and we need to be together to take care of them. My head is spinning and i just need some help.

Reply By Samson, True Love Advisor

Whether you stay together or breakup is your choice.

The question is: what do you want out of life? Are your goals aligned with his? Are you compatible?

You seem to be pulling in one direction while he is pulling in the other.

Yes, you have two kids together and they need you both. But is he willing to put in the effort? Has he accepted counselling?

Obviously, you love him. That is why you are trying to make it work. And it can work if he commits to making the required changes.

My advice?

Discuss this again as a family. And insist that he accepts therapy because he needs support to get over his bad habits.

Another great help is the bible. Get him to accept a bible study. The bible has had great transforming power on people who read and apply it.

There is a Christian group called Jehovah's Witnesses. Many people who have had bible education through this organization have made huge changes.

For example, alcoholics have broken free from addiction to alcohol, smokers have kicked the habit, violent gangsters have become peaceable people and people of all sorts have made dramatic changes by studying the bible with Jehovah's witnesses.

You can encourage your husband to take that route too.

When is enough enough? How long should you keep trying?

It's up to you.

If he commits to change by adopting the options above, most likely you won't need to breakup. And your efforts will pay off.

However, if he refuses to commit to change by taking concrete actions, then you may have to decide what's best for you and your kids.