My Off And On Relationship Story. Should I Stop Wasting Time On It?

by kiran
(karachi, Pakistan)

I am 21 years old right now. 5 yrs ago i made friends with a guy who was my age.

We used to be in the same school as kids so we had a lot in common to talk about. Soon we became best friends. I cared for him like a friend and he said he could talk to me about anything.

A few months after we became friends, on april fools day, he decided to play a prank on me.

He said he loved me, there was something very awkward about it. I told him that being romantically involved is going to destroy our friendship. He kept on telling me that he liked me to that i told him that i had a crush on him in school when we were really young.

After that he told me that it was a prank he played on me for april fools day. I got really pissed off and was really angry. But he did apologize to me in a very cute way. He kept on saying sorry till i replied.

We continued being friends for a year and a half after that, and during that time, i dont know when, i started falling in love.

Last year, in October, i told him i was in love with him. A day later he told me that he loved me as well and we got into a romantic relationship, it was magical.

For about four months after that we were in a relationship and then i could feel him distancing away from me.

I tried everything to find out why he was doing this but i couldnt find out until he told me that he has fallen out of love and he no longer feels the same way.

I was miserable for a month after that, we didnt talk to each other at all for a month. And then a wedding proposal came for me from one of our family friends.

I was confused and didnt know where i was going so i decided to get engaged to a guy who worked and lived in another country. I didnt know him that well and it was an arranged thing but i started feeling happy and accepted what was happening in my life.

I told all my friends that i got engaged, i even told him. He must have gotten hurt but he didnt show.

We were friends as we were before talking about different things and stuff. During that time i felt him coming really close to me, even though he said he had gotten a girlfriend. I always resisted because i thought it wasnt right as i was engaged and he had a girlriend.

I remained engaged to another guy for about three months, till june this year and then my dad broke the engagement off due to some family issues and certain circumstances. I wasn't happy about it because i was afraid of people talking about me. But i wasnt sad about it either because somewhere i knew my dad must have done the right thing.

I disappeared for a while, didnt talk to any of my friends and acquaintances. I was dreading telling anyone that my engagement broke off.

After all this, he contacted me himself, realizing that i was not there for quite a while, asking how things were at my end. I told him my engagement broke off. We were still friends, we talked, laughed, had fun.

He used to tell me about his girlfriend a lot during that time. I was happy that he was happy. But then one day he told me that the girl he was telling me about was not his girlfriend, but just a casual friend.

He said he loved me, he did things for me, cared for me and made me feel on top of the world again. And we were again in a relationship which lasted for about three months.

10 days ago he told me tht he does not love me. I did not ask why, i just said okay. I was not miserable as i was before but i was feeling very sad.

I told him that i'd delete him from my phone book and cut off all contact with him because without that i will not be able to move on.

He said he wanted to remain friends because it was all too sudden for him too. But i did cut off all contact because i wanted to move on.

It has been 10 days i havent talked to him. i feel a deep loss of a friend, somebody whom i could share everything with, feels like its the demise of our friendship, though we didnt argue or fight at all when we broke up.

I dont understand if its really love or not. What is it when we are together and the feeling is mutual, its awesome.

But why does he distance himself then? Is he really gone for good? Is it really the end of our friendship?

Should i stop wasting time on it which i have already stopped but im not sure about?