Perfect Relationship Gone Sour

by Elle

I was dating a guy for just about 2 years before we broke up. When we began dating we both felt very strongly about one another early on.

We often spoke of marriage and had a strong feeling that we were each others "one". About half a year into our relationship, not one, but two of my ex's came back into my life. They would email me and at first would talk romantically to me and say how they misses me and such. I'd talk back, but not in the same way.

I was just interested in how they were doing. I'd hide this from my boyfriend, knowing he was a jealous person, and he'd find out. He'd obviously be very upset that i'd hide things from him.

This happened many times throughout our entire relationship where they'd contact me, i'd lie about talking to them, my boyfriend would feel hurt and untrusting of me, we'd take time apart and we'd get back together.

The ex's would contact me every 2-3 months randomly and we'd just talk about simple things, such as how our current relationships were going.

Well, after a huge fight about me not respecting his wishes and hiding and lying to him, we broke up. It didn't last too long and we talked and we got back together but he asked me if i'd please never talk to them again and I promised to him that I would respect his wishes.

Things were going well and of course one of them came back to talk to me, even after I told them to leave me alone.

So, he asked for relationship advice, which I felt was harmless, but my boyfriend found out and regardless of the information in the conversation, he really broke up with me.

We've been apart for 3 months now and since we go to the same college we've talked and people still think were dating because we're so flirtatious with one another.

We've started a slightly physical relationship again about a month and a half into being apart and I know he's still very much in love with me, but he's said he's really scared to be in a relationship again because he doesn't want me to hurt him or betray him again.

I have done a lot of thinking and had an overwhelming revelation in which I realized I'd screwed up and was wrong for disrespecting him and lying to him like I did, regardless of how trivial the situation.

I've done everything in my power to try and show him I can be trusted, including blocking the ex's out of my life when they once again tried to contact me, and he still won't forgive me.

He says he's devastated by what's happened between us and that it hurts even more because we were going to be married, but I still want that and he does too but he's too scared and too stubborn.

Even with me trying and putting forth all my effort now he is putting nothing back. He takes and takes and never gives and i've run dry emotionally.

He's told me before that he wanted space but yet he still makes an effort to spend time with me. I'm confused, I'm hurt, I want to work things out with him, but I don't know if I should just leave him completely alone and hope he'll come back when he's ready (but who knows how long that could take) or should I keep fighting, keep proving myself to him and take the emotional beating i'm getting from it?

What should I do?

I know we're supposed to be together but his stubborn attitude is keeping us from actually trying to work things out.

He needs to put the past in the past and start fresh, and i've said this, but he still continues to dwell. Help please!

Thank you,
Elle