She Had Sex With One of My Good Friends

So I'm a 16 year old male and had crushes before but never any thing like this. And well I really like her and she's a great person.

But recently once we've opened up to each other she told me she wasn't a virgin and that doesn't bother me but then she told me who it was she had sex with and he's one of my good friends. And now whenever I think about her and I'm moving on all I can remember is that she had sex with one of my good friends... and at this time she was only 12....

My Reply

I understand your dilemma.

She had sex with one of your good friends. And now you have trouble living with it.

Three things come clear from what you said above.

1. She had sex with one of your good friends before she met you

2. The relationship was in the past

3. She told you herself and not your friend in some bid to spite you.

To put it simply . . . she was honest with you.

But can you live with the fact that she once dated one of your friends and even had sex with him?

That is up to you.

Naturally, as a man, you may get the feeling that you're eating the remnant from your friend's plate.

But then, that's only if you wish to look at it that way. There's a better way.

You could see her as a young girl who was taken advantage of. You could also see her as a young girl who experimented with sex because many friends, movies, and TV shows seems to suggest that it's a cool thing to do. In essence, how you feel about what happened between your friend and this girl depends on what you decide to feel. People make mistakes . . . all kinds of mistakes. For pre-teens and teenagers, pre-marital sex is a major heartbreaker.

Even as I speak, many young boys and girls are in the process of making that same mistake.

Now your girlfriend has grown older. I guess she has moved on beyond your friend's reach. Now she's with you.

Will you hold what she did at age 12 against her? Will that affair she had with your friend years back split up your love relationship?

You have to decide that.

You said she's a great person. If she's as great as you say she is, then she deserves a fair chance.

Not every girl has the guts to confess their past. You will be appalled if most girls and even women you respect tell you a fraction of their past.

This girl deserves an applause for coming out clean with you.

However, if you cannot live with the fact that she had sex with your good friend, then fair is fair.

She's been fair to you. Be fair to her.

Don't waste any more of her time or emotions. Tell her exactly how you feel about the whole situation. Tell her you can't live with the thought of knowing your friend has had a piece of her.

It will break her heart. But sooner or later, she will find someone who can live with her past.

Nevertheless, if you truly love her, find a way to deal with the emotions.

Many men get married to their wives thinking they are saints. Only to discover years into the marriage that she is light years away from being a saint. And it breaks his heart to know she couldn't trust him enough to tell him.

Lucky you . . . you have a girl with a noble heart.

I hope you value her nobility and find a way to love her as much as she loves you.

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