She Has Been My Friend For Three Years. She Hates to Breakup With Me. Does she love me?

by metascience
(abroad)

I have a friend, 14 years younger than me (Im 40 something, shes almost 30). I fell madly in love with her almost 3 years ago, never told her but Im sure she knows I like her alot.

She was the final push ending my marriage with 2 small kids (it just speeded up the process though). I have never ever loved someone so intens3ly as I do her.

I cannot interpret her behaviour, which to me is ambiguous. We meet 4-5/year, lunch or dinner, once a party, once a spa... stuff like that, quite innocent.

She invited me last year to come visit her when she was working in another country, so I did. SMS or mail once or twice/month…the rest of the time is silence.

At two different occasions I tried to break it off, telling her I could not meet her. Every time she fights me back, but just back at a friends level.

She never gave me an invite or a hint that there might be something more going on between us…maybe I am pretty bad at that too.

Soon after we met (same work place for 6 months), she broke up with her boyfriend (3 years ago), which she had been together with for 7 or 8 years, declaring how wonderful it was to be free again.

During these 3 years we have known each other she tells me she hasnt had any new boyfriends, that she feels shes incapable of falling in love again.

My gut feeling is she likes me as a friend, and never will do something else, but small things make me feel hope ocasionally: she sms me sometimes she misses me, she calls me and fights me back when she senses me trying to break us up, she hasnt found a new boyfriend.

If she would have loved me, she has had so many opportunities to say so, but she hasnt.

If I courageously stepped up in front of her telling her: I love you, I want you! I would hate myself.

First of all because shes the type of girl being friendly to everyone, hundreds of guys must misinterpret her, and then I would be just one in the line of those and I would cause her to feel guilty, which she isnt, and then I suspect she would feel sorry for me.

That last is one of my biggest fears of life, I hate to play the part of the victim.

Secondly, she is innocent, as I said she has never led me on.

Thirdly, like most people Im of course also afraid of getting hurt and feeling immensely stupid.

I live in constant fear she will meet someone else, that day I will die inside. At the same time, maybe its my rescue. Then, finally, I could go on with my life.

What does she want from me? Why doesnt she let me break it off, she must understand how I feel?

Why, oh why are women so hard to understand?

Is there a smart way of finding out her true feelings about me without the blunt ”I love you”-attack on her from me.

Is it a perticularly hard case because she has a friendly naive side in her contact, or is that acting..or what?

Does she keep me around, knowing I love her thereby making her feel good about herself, using me?

Please advice.

Reply By Samson, True Love Advisor

The best way to find out how she really feels is to ask her.

You don't necessarily have to attack her wit the "I love you" line.

Just throw this in during a normal conversation.

You can ask: "How do you feel about me? Do you want us to be just friends of something greater? Where do you see this relationship in the next 3yrs?"

I hope you get the gist.

You dont necessarily have to ask the same exact questions as above. But ask straightforward direct questions.

The best relationships are based on openness, good communication, and trust. This is a good time to investigate just where you stand.