We Always End Up
With An Argument

I really am not sure why I am even doing this. But I guess I do need some advice. Or just someone else telling me.

Well..I guess a little information about myself..who I am..and..my type.

I am 15, soon to be a sophmore in a prominent high school (top 100). I wouldn't consider myself a nerd, even though i know i am one. I am into...science and...i ask alot of questions.

Questions that i know i wouldn't anwers..but i still think about them. Top of my class..and....not really confident.

She is...15 as well...10 days older. We are both pretty inteligent.

She is straight A student...i am more of the know-all that isn't useful in class. She is conservative...on her belief. She loves her mom..and listens to everything she says.

Well...I think I love her..i said "i think"..because i still dont know what is love. I guess i question my feeling..but i know i have a strong passion for her (not sexually).

The problem is the difference in belief. I am more liberal/open then her (still really conservative..i think there shouldnt have sex until age 18...no kissing in public...no holding hands in public..or at least where ppl is looking at you.)..however..she is more conservative...she often call me "too liberal".

I had kiss her....a few times....but..that was...4 months ago. We still talk and all...

Another problem..she call me.."rude" and "mean". She have problem with me cussing...(i dont do alot...compare to most boys..roughly...3-5 a day).

When we have a discussion...we always end up with an argument.

For instance..we had a discussion over a movie made in Japan..she liked it..but i didnt. We end up arguing.

How can i love her...without changing me.

I don't want to be someone else...i want to be me. But..she want me to change...to be more "polite" and more "manner".

Can i reply the email. It is awkward typing in a box...on a site.

btw I read ur boy love..how to win a girl..virgin girl..it was pretty good.

My Reply

Hi.

We all need a fresh perspective every now and then because no one is the sole custodian of wisdom.
So, don't spank yourself for sending in a question. You just need fresh eyes to evaluate your situation.
Now to your question.
What is love? Are you in love?

To avoid repetition I will advice you to read these articles . . .

What is Love

True Love

I will simply mention that true love . . .

Is not selfish or self-centered

Is empathetic

Is yielding, sometimes letting others have their way if only to make them happy

Now about your disagreement and arguments.

She' s different. She's a different person from a different background and with a different upbringing.

Consequently, she's conservative.

She says you're rude and mean. She wants you to change. She wants you to be polite, gentle, and kind-hearted.

On the other hand, you're comfortable with cursing (as much as 3 - 5 times a day). You're liberal and open . . . she says too liberal.

Obviously, your opinions are divergent. And she wants you to change and be more like her. But you do not want to change who you are.

She still hangs out with you. This means she likes you. However, she would like you, even love you, more if you just change.

By the way, what's wrong with changing who you are? Why don't you want to change?
I can assure you that change is good if it is positive.
For example, in my country before the missionaries came, the people ate with bamboo spoons, slept on bamboo beds, and lived in mud houses.

But now they eat with stainless steel spoons, sleep on cosy beds, and live in modern houses some of which are architectural wonders.

They changed. And the change benefits everyone including generations yet unborn.

So, there's nothing wrong with changing who you are if the change is proven to be positive.

Your female friend wants you to . . .

>> change from being the mean, cursing, liberal, open-to-everything kind of person to . . .

>> a kind, gentle, compassionate, caring, considerate and empathetic person

Is that a positive change?

Certainly, it is.

Should you reject that? Please don't.

Life is beautiful when you value other people and their opinions. No one is an island of knowledge.

Remember too that you may not always be right. And even when you're right, not everyone may see your point.

Selling your opinion to others and getting them to buy in and see your point of view is an art. And it can be learned.

However, when you're wrong, be humble enough to admit it. And even when you're right and others can't seem to get the point, relax, give them time to think it through.

You and your female friend could become great, inseparable friends. It could even graduate into a love relationship as you grow older.

But you MUST learn to . . .

listen to others

see things from their perspective

show them you care through acts of kindness

speak pleasant words that enrich their souls

The bible says, "Pleasant sayings are a honeycomb. Sweet to the soul and a healing to the bones".

You may not take the bible seriously. But in real life relationships, these words prove true.

Pleasant words unbuild a broken spirit. Curses tear down and foster disagreement and rife.

You say you have a strong passion for your friend. Is that true?

If it is, you will do this for her . . . Change.

If for nothing else, just to put a smile on her face.

Wait. How do you feel when your dad or a friend goes out of his way to do something to make you happy?

You appreciate it, right?

Do the same for her.

Love is sharing, caring, and giving.

First give. Then take.

Back To Home Page From We Always End Up With An Argument

Subscribe to the True Love Advisor newsletter for latest tips and advice