What is this feeling?

by Brown eyed girl
(WI)

Hi Sam ~

I have wrote you before. You seem to give very good advice.

I wrote about the fact I was very attracted
to a man I worked with. This was over two years ago. I have since left that job.

I never see this man, or was there anything ever going on between us, other than a good work relationship. I just grew to care and admire him immensely.

We got along very well. I even met his wife. She was gorgeous. But I am very pretty also and I think I have a very good personality.

I get along well with others and am very well liked. I just wonder why I apparently can not still quit thinking about him. I think about him a lot in fact.

It is not sexually at all, at least on my part. I just really like him and thought he was the most kind man I had ever met.

The problem is, that 27 years ago, I met and married a man I am now married to and I don't know what it is that is even keeping us together.

He has turned his attitude to be very mean to me. I do not think he respects me any longer.

He certainly is not loving and never wants to listen or seems interested in anything(I mean anything) I want to discuss or talk about.

I feel totally rejected on all levels of our relationship. He is not physically abusive but I think he is very mentally abusive.

We never touch, hug or kiss. We never have sex. It stopped because I was always the one to initiate it.

He is a very good provider financially and is a hard worker. He makes fairly good money.

I never see his paycheck though and he is rather secretive about his checkbook. I work also and I have my own accounts.

It's like we are two people living together. That's it.

I have tried over and over to try and bring a spark back to our relationship. Nothing seems to work to get him to take action.

Plain and simple, I feel like I am living with a brother. Except I actually get along better with a brother. At least my brother likes me and likes to talk to me.

My husband ignores me. I have tried talking to him and all that happens is it escalates into arguments and terrible fights with him getting very verbally abusive and blaming.

I feel there is no reaching him, when I try and tell him what I need.

I sometimes think to myself, no wonder I was attracted to this man at work.

He was the kindest, gentlest man, I had ever known. And he treated me the way I wanted to be treated by a man. That is why I think I started to love him.

I know it's wrong but I can't seem to help it, no matter how hard I try and move on, and forget him.

Like I said I don't even see him anymore, now that I do not work at the same place. I don't fantasize, I just wish I could still see his face and talk to him.

I miss our work relationship and friendship immensely. I try and put it into Gods hands and pray he will help me forget this man.

I am in agony.

Nothing is improving either in my marriage or in him changing to be a more loving person.

I know I am a good and loving person, I deserve that back in life, even a little.

What did I do to not deserve a loving relationship?

It hurts me inside and I cry a lot about it when I am alone.

While I am not single, I am very lonely in my marriage for love and affection in my relationship.

Is that so much to ask?